Last night I had the opportunity to meet the great Jackie Chan. Strangely, this 28 year old Filipino nurse was at the bar listening to a friend and I debate the health problem of America. Ben and I went back and forth on the topic. I argued the diet aspect of American culture while Ben took to the hospital side of the debate. Jackie jumped into the conversation and soon we were a trio.
After an hour or so we left Tibbs and wandered down the street to the Union. The conversation had switched to the topic of women, as it usually does with three guys hanging out. Jackie then turned into a pickup guru explaining how he approaches any woman he likes accepting the odds they will turn him down.
Being timid pale white guys Ben and I listened and asked questions. Jackie had a knack for getting one night stands and getting phone numbers at the club. None of this information was anything that I hadn’t heard before from guys that play this sort of game. While I was taking mental notes the information would likely turn up in a future story with none of it confirmed by my own experience.
When Jackie made a simple statement like “you just have to try and see what happens” Ben would reply how it has never worked for him in the past.
“That’s a Bitch Butterfly!”
This was a phrase that came up repeatedly over the night. Jackie was referring to the colorful excuses guys come up with for not approaching women.
Later in the evening I would learn that Jackie’s antics weren’t always a positive experience. He told me about a co worker he had been with and how things went south when she realized he didn’t want a relationship. I asked a few questions and the guru status quickly deteriorated as the pieces came together. Jackie was just another guy that might have had confidence but was just as capable of making a series of bad mistakes like anybody else. Sure he could make the first move and approach women whenever he wanted but after that he was clueless on what to do from there. He hadn’t been in a long term relationship since he left the Philippians ten years ago.
Women were everywhere, dressed up in their latest purchase from the mall and hiding their faces under several layers of makeup. The expectations society puts on women makes the notion of approaching one more complicated than it should be. For starters who the hell am I approaching? Is it the person that they want to appear as or the real person they were before they left their house or apartment? The lies that relationships start with I would have to assume is the reason nobody has a lasting relationship or marriage these days. We never meet the real person until later, sometimes years later. Our lives are constant job interviews for relationships that aren’t real. Women work hard to appear as models instead of the unique beings they are. Men try to portray an image that is higher than their true place on the social ladder. I have always been disenfranchised with the dating scene, long before I was in it. Jackie talked a lot about self confidence and how one had to carry himself in order to attract women. But, if we aren’t supposed to be ourselves and portray somebody else how are we supposed to be confident in ourselves?
Maybe this rant is just a long series of Bitch Butterflies. Maybe I have lost any interest in playing a stupid game that continues to have the same result for so many people.
Jackie’s real name is Jackie Chan by the way. He was the third grandson born in his family and usually the grandsons are named after their grandfather. After already having two grandsons with the same name his grandfather decided that Jackie would be named after his favorite action movie star. It’s not the pick up line or the confidence that Jackie has going for him. It’s his ability to walk up to women in a club or bar and simply say “Hi, I am Jackie Chan.” So few of us can be so lucky
Matthew Gilman can be contacted on his author Facebook page and found on Twitter.