Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping

This title comes from the second rule of Jordan Peterson’s 12 rules for life. While the lesson may appear obvious it is harder than it looks. When my daughter was in the NICU for three months the staff repeatedly told us to take care of ourselves first. How useful were we going to be in helping her if we weren’t taking care of ourselves? This rule goes beyond everyday care, but also applies to the you of tomorrow and twenty years down the road. If you had to plan how you wanted to be in the future what would you do to help that guy? As a parent we do this type of thinking with our children. what school will she go to? How do I make sure she can go to college? What hobbies or sports should I encourage for the best outcome? We do this all the time except for ourselves.

Recently, financial security has been a concern for me. One of my goals for this year is to have a decent amount of savings for security. While researching for my podcast I came across some things in the market that had me concerned about the near future of our economy. So how do I help myself and my future self if something does happen? For starters I have to be more responsible with my finances. Spontaneous spending has stopped, I don’t buy anything these days unless I need it or plan to flip it for a substantial profit. I run an antique booth on the side and have found some ways of adding some profitability to the setup. Along with the typewriters I sell I also supply new ribbon and coming soon I will offer what I am calling “Kerouac paper.” Sales have been well but there are times when I consider closing the booth to spend time and money on other adventures. When I have these thoughts I am pulled back in by customers who are thrilled they can not only find typewriters that work but also the supplies to keep them going. At times I tried to branch off into other areas such as sewing machines but I have yet to sell one of the cast iron beauties I refurbished and restored. typewriters is where I will stay until they stop selling.

I have noticed a change in my behavior since I finished the Self Authoring Program. I am more focused now on the things I am working on. I have started projects I would have talked myself out of in the past. There is a new podcast, I am considering expanding the website beyond the free site so that I can offer more than these simple articles. I have a plan on where these projects are going for the next couple of years. The difference is that I now have a plan.

There are still other things on my list of goals for the year that I need to work on. I have kept up my hikes with Zoey and try to get outside more than I normally do. I budget my time more and accomplish a set list of goals per day. I stopped eating out as much and cook more often at home. I am already making some headway on how I want this year to go but it is a slow process and I have to make sure I stay on the path. I have to treat myself like somebody I am responsible for helping.

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Tell the Truth or at least don’t lie

This weekend had me going to the store with a list of things that may come in handy in case the world decides to take a huge dump on itself and fling its poo into the ceiling fan. after hearing the news about the chemical attack in the UK and learning that Trump is planning to fire all of the people that talked him out of going to war with Iran, I decided to take a few things into my own hands and filled the trunk of my car with $120 of food. Granted, this is all in the moment and hopefully it will amount to nothing.

The other piece of news that had me concerned was regarding the lack of ice on the north pole on how the “polar vortex” has been out of whack, sending the north east into abnormal icy conditions while places like Alaska and the north pole saw temperatures above freezing. This is what concerns me most about having a child. what exactly do I tell her while she is growing up. “sorry kid, we tried our best but driving pick up trucks and dumping oil into rivers was just how we did things. good luck!” as the month progress and the news continues to flow in the time line for several things that were supposed to happen decades from now are already happening. We will see heat waves. Crops will fail and people will die. So yes, i bought a shit ton of canned goods (and a few hundred bullets) just in case one day the supermarket shelves are bare.

I have heard all kinds of advice on what to teach or tell children growing up in this world. Constantly move, be nomadic in how you live your life and move to where the resources are. Learn a trade to make yourself valuable. Invest in gold and silver in case the dollar collapses. then there is the crazy stuff. dig a bunker. Be prepared to marry your sister. find recipes for cat and dog.

I won’t lie to her. It would be nice to give her the bad news in a way that won’t make life feel pointless. Do I think the human race will go extinct? The way we currently live our lives not giving a shit about the debt that will be paid by future generations, sure. We are facing famines, heat waves, rising oceans, refugee problems, and diseases we have never seen before. Do I think the next generation may have a shot at changing things around? No, but i think they will be the crafty ones that learn how to adapt.

The start of Zoey’s life was tough and knowing that I can’t help but think that she will have a natural callus to tough it though the hard times. I can stock up the basement pantry and make sure that we are able to defend ourselves if needed but the real work comes when i start teaching Zoey how to thrives in the apocalypse.

 

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Self Authoring for the Apocalypse

The weekend didn’t start out how i wanted it to. Zoey wasn’t acting like herself on Friday with a long drive to the doctor’s office an hour away. The appointment started late and we were back in town by one o’clock. Zoey didn’t eat much that day and threw up all of her food that morning. I found out later she did the same thing that afternoon and slept most of the day.

That night was the usual for me. I left work at midnight and had to be back the next day at one in the afternoon for some overtime. all morning I didn’t feel right, my joints ached and my stomach felt funny. I finished my shift and closed the building. On my way home I called Sarah and told her that I didn’t feel good. A few hours later i was running to the rest room. My palms were sweaty and my weak arms were heavy, no I wasn’t in a rap battle, everything felt cold and my breathing was quick shallow breaths. At some point i found myself in the bedroom with my phone in hand, sending Sarah a text downstairs since i was unable to talk. I wrote “help” and a few minutes later she appeared in the doorway. “What the heck!” she said finding me half dressed and delusional. I thought about telling her to call an ambulance but being the cheap ass that I am I knew that dying would be cheaper, hey at least life insurance would pay out. That night was a long journey through hell. every movement hurt. all my muscles and joint ached. walking 20 feet to the bathroom felt like a Crossfit competition being performed by a morbidly obese man. There were a few moments i seriously thought I might die.

I woke up the next morning, still alive. My stomach hurt and I knew I was dehydrated. This time around Sarah came down with the bug and it was her turn to sleep for 14 hours. We were both scared that Zoey might catch whatever we had but looking back she might have been the first one to catch it.

The day that followed had me waking up at 4AM. I couldn’t sleep anymore. My body hurt from being in bed for too many hours to count. I went down stairs and turned on the Self Authoring Program. If there is one motivation to change your life it’s thinking that last night might have been your last. Remember that scene in Fightclub when Tyler robbed the store and asked the kid what he wanted to do with his life? That was how the flu felt to me. Already this year a nurse at the local hospital died after catching it, she was 40 years old. I finally sat my ass down and finished the Past Authoring program, long overdue by the way. Next came the hard part, the future authoring program.

This program changes everything, no longer able to wing it, or stumble through, you have to sit down and shut up to figure out what you want to do with your life. Saturday night i remember thinking about all that I had accomplished until then. I wrote a few books, had a daughter who’s life I wanted to see, and well, not really much else. What the hell had I been doing with my life? I sure as hell hadn’t been enjoying it.

For three hours I worked through Jordan Peterson’s program and figured out some things about myself and my life that i really wanted to accomplish. Some of the goals I wanted to start right away, feeling encouraged by the event, but the flu had other plans for me. It may take time for me to recover but when I do at least I have a layout of what I want to do in the near and distant future. Finally, the task is finished and I can move ahead to something worth bragging about when the boatman comes to pick me up at the river Styx.

So what is my plan you may ask. I will save that for another time. The flu is not done with me yet. Until next time, clean your room.

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Pursue what is meaningful

Another Jordan Peterson post here covering rule number 7 from his 12 Rules for Life. While i was growing up the opposite was told to me. when i said what I wanted to do with my life the response was, “You need to think about money.” I had, what i was told at the time, a good job. I worked for a well known organization and reach the top of the ladder in my department. That was it. no raise. stuck with nowhere to go and it wasn’t something i enjoyed doing. Regardless of my years in the department i had supervisors who hunted down things they could find wrong and in some cases made up something, anything to justify their position. after 14 years, I quit.

I currently have two dreams that I am pursuing. 1 is establishing a writing career. the second is to eventually work for myself in something that I enjoy doing and will become better at over time. I don’t find meaning in what i do. I think about the benefits of my position, the security, insurance, and of course the paycheck. But it isn’t something that i can look back on and proud of. My books give me a sense of meaning. Making a delicious meal and sharing it with those i care about give me meaning. Being able to support myself and the ones I love doing something I enjoy gives me meaning. There are necessities in life that you can not go without. Having something meaningful in your life is one of them. I don’t know how long it will take or how it will happen but eventually one or both of these things will become a reality.

There is more on my plate these days. Being the primary daycare of a preemie baby, taking care of two houses, and staying up late to write a little, like this post, his how my time is spent. I haven’t even finished the self authoring program that i paid for. I don’t know where to go from here, and that is why i haven’t continued. the future portion of the program expects me to know where i want my life to go. that is something new, scary, an unexpected change from the normal day after day grind that has defined so much of my life. to be in control of where my life is heading is fucking scary. I have had so many people over the years tell me what the right choice is, the safe option of any dilemma. When i was ready to sail into the wind and explore new territory there was always someone close to tell me I couldn’t, I shouldn’t, or you have go to be out of your mind. In the end it is my fault after all I am the one who let these people into my life. Maybe I should be concentrating on something else. Rule number 3, Make friends with people who want the best for you. It sounds like a solid place to start.

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Clean your room

To those of you that have been following the adventures of Jordan Peterson this phrase will sound familiar. For a man pushing forty, this was something i needed to hear. I originally started this blog a few years ago with the intent of learning and sharing various skills in the event of a world ending disaster. At some point before now it should have occurred to me that maybe the disaster is my life.
In May of last year I became a father. It happened later in life and circumstances lined up so that things would work out the best they could under the circumstances. My daughter was born premature and spent all summer in the NICU. For more on that story check out my other blog on The Good Men Project website under The Proud Preemie Poppa or buy the collected Ebook version (Hobbit Baby) for .99 cents on Amazon. Once you become a father and are responsible for someone other than yourself you realize how careless and irresponsible you can be. Granted I’m doing better than most but i still have my issues. My savings are almost non-existent, I can’t remember the last time i exercised, my writing career is a sad image of its former self, and I can’t remember the last time i sat down and read a book. It maybe a little late for a new year’s resolution but a change needs to happen.
A few weeks ago i purchased Peterson’s Self Authoring program, a three step guide to learning about oneself and planning a better future. two weekends in a row i worked on it and found myself half way through it and stuck. I completed the Present course then went onto the Past course. this was where i found myself in trouble. I had gone to a counselor for over a year and thought i had faced my demons, instead i found myself not wanting to write about the same things i had always dealt with since i was a teenager. Memories flooded back and i found myself saying “fuck it” just to get away from the computer. The last time i logged into the self authoring site was two weeks ago and i haven’t made plans to return to it. the last portion of the site is the future course, where you sit down and figure out the future you want and how to get there. This was the selling point for me, where am I going? How do I get there? what are my goals for myself? I have no answers for these questions and that was what had been bugging me for so long.
So why am I writing on this blog instead of finishing the damn program? While i was at work tonight i had a vision of what i wanted my future to be, at least for the next year. I need to save money, a nest egg in case something happens in the future. i need to get into shape so that i can enjoy watching my daughter grow up. I need to pay off my house and figure out what my goals in life are. there is a balance missing from my life and i need to find it. So Jordan Peterson says to start by cleaning your room. That is what this blog is going to be about. My efforts in cleaning up myself and my life to live the way i want to live. first lets set some goals.
1. Save $5000 in the bank for emergencies
2. Go hiking at least once a week with Zoey
3. Do not buy any big ticket items unless it is necessary.
4. do not eat out
5. cook at home as much as possible.
6. try to obtain as much food from gardening, hunting, and fishing as possible.
7. always pay over on the house payment.
8. white this blog once a week
9. work in the garden every weekend while in season
10. go camping at least once this year.

So those are my 10 goals for the year. i will have other things during the year to keep me occupied but this is a start. as for the self authoring program i am giving myself two weeks to finish it. other small goals will be added throughout the year when needed. this is the new collapse experiment, getting myself in order just in case the end of the world happens.

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